Sogkikshav Hapwikflap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, blissful sheep.

Sogkikshav Hapwikflap created a quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Sogkikshav Hapwikflap, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sogkikshav Hapwikflap, she will boil you in a big pot.

Sogkikshav Hapwikflap's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Sogkikshav Hapwikflap's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Worship no other gods but Sogkikshav Hapwikflap.

5. Put Sogkikshav Hapwikflap first in all things.