Rapkabdavtig is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, compassionate cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Rapkabdavtig created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Rapkabdavtig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Rapkabdavtig, it will send you a sign.

Rapkabdavtig's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Rapkabdavtig's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white coats.

2. Erect three aluminium sculptures of Rapkabdavtig on top of important buildings.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Always help sick hamsters.