Jigrulkip is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, charitable faun.

Jigrulkip created the planet Venus four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jigrulkip, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jigrulkip, she will turn you into a goat.

Jigrulkip's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Jigrulkip's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven dolphins approach from the south.

2. Always help ducks in need.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near nematodes while wearing purple ear rings and balancing nine carbon spheres on your chest.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.