Bitpodlak is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, dishonourable beaver.

Bitpodlak created Mount Everest six million years ago.

If you believe in Bitpodlak, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bitpodlak, she will turn you into a mouse.

Bitpodlak's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Bitpodlak's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always help sick snakes.

3. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Always help tapirs in need.