Kemrigveg is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, almighty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Kemrigveg created the Sun nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemrigveg, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kemrigveg, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Kemrigveg's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Kemrigveg's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Kemrigveg.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Never talk about great tits.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.