Toflibsom is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, selfish monkey.

Toflibsom created everything that exists three billion years ago.

If you believe in Toflibsom, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Toflibsom, he will turn you into a goat.

Toflibsom's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Toflibsom's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Erect a giant green sculpture of Toflibsom in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near sharks while wearing white corsets and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your hands.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Toflibsom.