Quartmiptaf is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, competent newt.

Quartmiptaf created an electron four years ago.

If you believe in Quartmiptaf, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Quartmiptaf, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Quartmiptaf's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Quartmiptaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near capybaras while wearing violet boots and balancing three silicon spheres on your arms.

2. Do not eat turnips.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. You must pray to Quartmiptaf seven times a day.

5. Never eat green fruit.