Jadcartimgepgep is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, deceitful wyrm.

Jadcartimgepgep created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jadcartimgepgep, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Jadcartimgepgep, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jadcartimgepgep's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Jadcartimgepgep's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

2. Put Jadcartimgepgep first in all things.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.