Gubtonmut is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, irritating tapir.

Gubtonmut created everything that exists eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gubtonmut, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gubtonmut, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Gubtonmut's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Gubtonmut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

4. Never go into cyan rooms.

5. Gubtonmut loves manatees, so they must be respected.