Jarnmisjop is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, compassionate beaver.

Jarnmisjop created gold three million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnmisjop, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jarnmisjop, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Jarnmisjop's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Jarnmisjop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair cyan.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never go into white rooms.