Tettiwatveg is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, competent newt.

Tettiwatveg created dark matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tettiwatveg, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Tettiwatveg, he will turn you into a goat.

Tettiwatveg's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Tettiwatveg's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in the presence of frogs.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never think about asteroids.