Tincipquim Narvabnib is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, humorless guinea pig.

Tincipquim Narvabnib created a bottom quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tincipquim Narvabnib, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tincipquim Narvabnib, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Tincipquim Narvabnib's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Tincipquim Narvabnib's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Tincipquim Narvabnib.

3. Hide if seven nematodes approach from the south.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tincipquim Narvabnib.