Pinarnfon Xemxinhog is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, unfair dingo.

Pinarnfon Xemxinhog created an electron seven million years ago.

If you believe in Pinarnfon Xemxinhog, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Pinarnfon Xemxinhog, it will turn you into a mouse.

Pinarnfon Xemxinhog's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Pinarnfon Xemxinhog's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always obey Pinarnfon Xemxinhog's priests.

3. Never go into orange rooms.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never think ill of sick ducks.