Zaksisfit Ladfodsaw is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, dishonourable human.

Zaksisfit Ladfodsaw created matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Zaksisfit Ladfodsaw, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zaksisfit Ladfodsaw, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Zaksisfit Ladfodsaw's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Zaksisfit Ladfodsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear fawn shorts.

2. Never talk about electromagnetism near horses while wearing black boots.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not drink alcohol.