Quatnarlkop is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, witless swallow.

Quatnarlkop created a down quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Quatnarlkop, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Quatnarlkop, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Quatnarlkop's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Quatnarlkop's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quatnarlkop.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Run away from indigo gulls, for they are unholy.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.