Tifbettan is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, ill-tempered walrus.

Tifbettan created a down quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifbettan, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tifbettan, she will turn you into a mouse.

Tifbettan's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Tifbettan's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Tifbettan.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never feed lots of parsnips to nematodes while wearing cyan scarves.

5. Tifbettan loves whales, so they must be honoured.