Tabnelkop is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, all-knowing gorilla.

Tabnelkop created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tabnelkop, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tabnelkop, he will not invite you to parties.

Tabnelkop's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Tabnelkop's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear purple.

2. Never talk about dark matter near bats while wearing black shoes and balancing three platinum spheres on your arms.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.