Gabvagrak is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, merciful raccoon.

Gabvagrak created humankind eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gabvagrak, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gabvagrak, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Gabvagrak's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Gabvagrak's Holy Commandments

1. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always obey Gabvagrak's priests.

3. Never think ill of sick eagles.

4. Cats are not to be trusted.

5. Never talk about voles.