Nanzigham is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, self-assured eagle.

Nanzigham created the Tadpole Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nanzigham, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Nanzigham, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nanzigham's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Nanzigham's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a building before entering it.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always help swans.

5. Run away if eight seals approach from the west.