Fetgubstik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, compassionate lion.

Fetgubstik created a charm quark four years ago.

If you believe in Fetgubstik, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fetgubstik, he will remove you from existence.

Fetgubstik's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Fetgubstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat onions.

2. Never wear turquoise corsets.

3. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

4. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

5. Always pray immersed in water.