Wabcapkap is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, moody lizard.

Wabcapkap created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wabcapkap, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Wabcapkap, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Wabcapkap's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Wabcapkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Never wear skirts.

3. Always help snails in need.

4. Do not dye your hair red.

5. Never talk about optics.