Nurlkapgar is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, egotistical shark.

Nurlkapgar created the planet Venus three billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlkapgar, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nurlkapgar, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Nurlkapgar's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Nurlkapgar's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Nurlkapgar.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Always make sure there are no rats in a room before entering it.

5. Never talk about dwarf planets.