Gofvinpit is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, staggering warg.

Gofvinpit created the planet Earth four million years ago.

If you believe in Gofvinpit, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gofvinpit, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gofvinpit's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Gofvinpit's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight ants approach from the north.

2. Goats are not to be trusted.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Gofvinpit must be the most important thing in your life.