Vencimmis Hamingtan is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, all-knowing whale.

Vencimmis Hamingtan created dark matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vencimmis Hamingtan, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vencimmis Hamingtan, he will make you grow a tail.

Vencimmis Hamingtan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Vencimmis Hamingtan's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about manatees.

4. Put Vencimmis Hamingtan first in all things.

5. Do not commit murder.