Jenrilwon is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, sage zebra.

Jenrilwon created dark energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jenrilwon, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Jenrilwon, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Jenrilwon's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Jenrilwon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair magenta.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Hide from turquoise doves for they are unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.