Pitfigfum is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, tiresome jellyfish.

Pitfigfum created life eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pitfigfum, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pitfigfum, he will turn you into a dog.

Pitfigfum's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Pitfigfum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear gray clothing.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near seals while wearing magenta kilts.

3. Never think about chlorophyll.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. You must love Pitfigfum.