Dobgoffit Fumflapdab is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, tiresome aardvark.

Dobgoffit Fumflapdab created humankind eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dobgoffit Fumflapdab, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dobgoffit Fumflapdab, it will destroy your home solar system.

Dobgoffit Fumflapdab's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Dobgoffit Fumflapdab's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics near hamsters while wearing violet scarves.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never think about dark energy.