Barnwigbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, two-faced cow.

Barnwigbarn created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Barnwigbarn, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Barnwigbarn, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Barnwigbarn's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Barnwigbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near squirrels while wearing red trousers and balancing four platinum spheres on your hands.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Barnwigbarn.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Dolphins are unholy and should not be approached.