Jopkadmig is a god.

He takes the form of a small, dishonourable clam.

Jopkadmig created the universe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopkadmig, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jopkadmig, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Jopkadmig's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Jopkadmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt ants.

2. Always look after injured geese.

3. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

4. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jopkadmig.