Xuclopwee is a god.

She takes the form of a small, wise human.

Xuclopwee created time and space nine million years ago.

If you believe in Xuclopwee, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Xuclopwee, she will ignore you.

Xuclopwee's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Xuclopwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to swans while wearing red coats.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never think about quantum field theory.

5. Never eat onions.