Doggunquam is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, prudent seal.

Doggunquam created vertebrates five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Doggunquam, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Doggunquam, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Doggunquam's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Doggunquam's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. You must love Doggunquam.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not eat apples.