Hapbassis is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, bad-tempered dolphin.

Hapbassis created life seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapbassis, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hapbassis, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hapbassis' most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Hapbassis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never sit near doves.

5. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.