Futgebarn Cemcinsadwip is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, smart crab.

Futgebarn Cemcinsadwip created the planet Mars two billion years ago.

If you believe in Futgebarn Cemcinsadwip, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futgebarn Cemcinsadwip, she will make you grow a tail.

Futgebarn Cemcinsadwip's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Futgebarn Cemcinsadwip's Holy Commandments

1. Futgebarn Cemcinsadwip must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Erect a large iron sculpture of Futgebarn Cemcinsadwip on top of all buildings.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.