Haphitnan is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, weak dolphin.

Haphitnan created Africa two million years ago.

If you believe in Haphitnan, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Haphitnan, she will remove you from existence.

Haphitnan's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Haphitnan's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat capybaras with great respect.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Erect a giant red sculpture of Haphitnan in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never talk about special relativity.

5. Do not speak about apples.