Vedzimtik is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, impressive cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Vedzimtik created silver eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vedzimtik, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vedzimtik, she will turn you into a plant.

Vedzimtik's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Vedzimtik's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not kill cats.

5. Do not cook food in pots.