Bellhaphunkarmipved is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, witless elephant.

Bellhaphunkarmipved created an atom three million years ago.

If you believe in Bellhaphunkarmipved, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bellhaphunkarmipved, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bellhaphunkarmipved's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Bellhaphunkarmipved's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Hide from green great tits for they are unholy.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

5. Do not eat parsnips.