Vonlarnnurl is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, emotional weasel.

Vonlarnnurl created dark matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonlarnnurl, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vonlarnnurl, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Vonlarnnurl's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Vonlarnnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick dogs.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. Respect your elders.