Sinbunfet Bissnarlxen is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, resourceful dugong.

Sinbunfet Bissnarlxen created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sinbunfet Bissnarlxen, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Sinbunfet Bissnarlxen, it will turn you into a tree.

Sinbunfet Bissnarlxen's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Sinbunfet Bissnarlxen's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

2. Do not dye your hair fawn.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Run away from brown eagles, for they are unholy.