Kadtomartlat is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, self-assured turtle.

Kadtomartlat created an up quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kadtomartlat, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Kadtomartlat, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Kadtomartlat's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Kadtomartlat's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never feed turnips to ants while wearing gray corsets.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

5. You must never eat gooseberries.