Stafappnar is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, blissful salamander.

Stafappnar created humankind six billion years ago.

If you believe in Stafappnar, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Stafappnar, it will send minions to preach to you.

Stafappnar's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Stafappnar's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near dogs while wearing violet shoes.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

3. Worship no other gods but Stafappnar.

4. Do not shave your chest.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.