Jipmapdin is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, irritating turtle.

Jipmapdin created Mount Everest eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipmapdin, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jipmapdin, he will think nothing of it.

Jipmapdin's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Jipmapdin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear gold on your body.

2. Worship no other gods but Jipmapdin.

3. Always treat snails with great respect.

4. Never hurt snakes.

5. Never feed onions to geese while wearing shirts.