Tarpvabvigwikhitlam is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, capable pigeon.

Tarpvabvigwikhitlam created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpvabvigwikhitlam, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tarpvabvigwikhitlam, it will jump up and down on your head.

Tarpvabvigwikhitlam's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Tarpvabvigwikhitlam's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chromosomes.

2. Hide from purple porpoises for they are unholy.

3. Erect a large gold sculpture of Tarpvabvigwikhitlam on top of all buildings.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near seals while wearing cyan scarves.

5. Never write about thermodynamics.