Bonkxintit is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, narcissistic walrus.

Bonkxintit created a quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bonkxintit, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bonkxintit, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Bonkxintit's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Bonkxintit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat grapes.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always obey Bonkxintit's priests.

5. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.