Yogjiphab is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, annoying troll.

Yogjiphab created humanity four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yogjiphab, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yogjiphab, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Yogjiphab's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Yogjiphab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never eat peas.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never talk about special relativity near monkeys while wearing pink dresses and balancing nine silicon spheres on your feet.