Tipmatfon is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, thoughtless turtle.

Tipmatfon created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Tipmatfon, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tipmatfon, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tipmatfon's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Tipmatfon's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never leap in holy places.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. You must love Tipmatfon.

5. Always make sure there are no snakes in a room before entering it.