Omtquatcam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, dishonest wasp.

Omtquatcam created water six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtquatcam, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Omtquatcam, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Omtquatcam's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Omtquatcam's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Never wear white shoes.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never talk about gravity.