Buggemcum is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, narcissistic narwhal.

Buggemcum created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Buggemcum, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Buggemcum, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Buggemcum's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Buggemcum's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not run in public.