Tettiappmeg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, unsympathetic unicorn.

Tettiappmeg created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Tettiappmeg, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tettiappmeg, it will destroy your favourite star.

Tettiappmeg's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Tettiappmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair gray.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never think about cell theory.