Jopzakban Parklib Fadsitcussdag is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, narcissistic salamander.

Jopzakban Parklib Fadsitcussdag created a bottom quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopzakban Parklib Fadsitcussdag, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jopzakban Parklib Fadsitcussdag, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Jopzakban Parklib Fadsitcussdag's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Jopzakban Parklib Fadsitcussdag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not keep eight snakes in a large pit.

5. Never talk about special relativity near horses while wearing fawn tights.