Lamvedxuck is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, amazing seal.

Lamvedxuck created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamvedxuck, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lamvedxuck, it will curse you with boils.

Lamvedxuck's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Lamvedxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never mention cats.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near snails while wearing violet rings.